No. I'm trying for one with green eyes, and other answers to "those" questions.

With regard to my last post, Megan Jenelle asked, "I wonder . . . what have been some of your responses to the questions? Any good but ladylike comebacks? Just wondering . . . ".

So I decided it would make a good post. I'll warn you up front - not all of the responses have been ladylike. Sometimes my lack of patience is plainly evident. Some are humorous, and I do have a very strong sarcastic streak in me, but some of them, especially with regard to our beliefs are fairly good (and not sarcastic) answers.
Keep in mind that all answers are dependent on who is asking the question and why. Some people are genuinely interested, some people are nosey, and some people are just plain rude. Others will get instantly offended when you answer a question with something along the lines of, "Because we feel this is what is best for our children.",  and some professing Christians will get more than a little offended if you tell them you're trying to follow God's direction with regard to how you raise/educate your children. The minute someone else, particulary another women, gets the idea that you feel a mother should stay at home with her kids (whether or not you actually said that) the battle lines are drawn. It is my expierence that with some people it is a no-win situation. They will get offended at the most obscure comment, or try to keep questioning you until you do say something they object to. I like to be as honest as I can with my answers (well, sometimes - like when I'm fairly sure they aren't just trying to be crass), but I also try to word things as non-controversially as possible. There are times though, that you just have to chalk the whole thing up to not casting your pearls before swine. Some of the answers were reserved for family members - as far as I'm concerned it's pretty much no-holds-barred with them. They've known me my whole life. If they are going to ask me stupid questions, well...  I will answer them properly when I feel the joke episode has come to an end.

1) Do (Don't) you know what causes that?
This is never asked seriously. It's rude. Period. No - it's never funny. Okay - maybe I'm just a bit touchy about this. Uhhh, on second thought, no I'm not. It's crass. This never warrents a real answer and to be honest, I usually tried to ignore it. Unless you were related.
Sometimes the sarcastic part of me took over and I'd say,  "Well I'm not sure, but I think there's something in the water.", or "I don't know, but I think it's contagious." 

2) You should get that fixed.
Yeah - everything I said about the first question applies to this comment as well.
Again, it was often ignored, but I have answered with, "Ummmm, it doesn't appear to be broken.", or "Everything seems to work just fine."

3) Are they all yours?
This one can be fun. Some answers:
"Ummm, I think so.", or "Only the girls." (This one usually has them looking around.)

4) Are you trying for a boy?
Well intentioned or not, this question never fails to grate on my nerves. It insinuates the girls aren't good enough and even if that wasn't the questioner's intent, I always felt as though the girls could potentially take it that way. Ask them now and they'll admit they did feel that way occasionally when we were asked the question. Some answers:
"Of course not.", "What for?", "No - in fact we're hoping for another girl.", "We're trying to set the world's record for the most girls one family can have in a row.", "No - we're just trying for babies.", and my all time favorite, "No, I'm trying for one with green eyes." To understand this one better it helps to know that I was expecting T.Lynn (our youngest) and my husband, and all four of the other girls have varying shades of blue, blue/grey eyes. I have hazel, but not the kind with brown in them. They are a funny, changeable green/greenish-blue, and although they only occasionally look true blue in person (or so I'm told), in pictures they often look very blue. Because of this, I wasn't expecting to have a child with green eyes anymore than I was expecting a boy. Maybe my weird hazel, but not green. Never fear though, poetic justice is always right around the corner. T.Lynn has green eyes. Not blueish green, or changeable, or anything else. Just green. You gotta love it!

5) You have FIVE kids???
Really - with the way some people say it you'd think I had forty or fifty. Of course a lot of people just start counting. Some stop and start over repeatedly, on occasion never getting past two. And most of the time the kids aren't even moving around, confusing the counter. Once they were all lined up on an elevator and then I only had four.
I ususally cut to the chase when I see/hear someone counting and just tell them five. That's when I get the above question.
*Ri here. Sometimes when people start counting us, some of us have a nearly overwhelming desire to start moving around and darting behind each other. We've never actually done that, but that desire is there nonetheless!

6) All girls?
Or any variation of that theme - All girls? Only girls? No boys?
I would really love to start looking around, muttering something like, "They were just here....", but so far I've restrained myself. The girls will admit to wanting to say, "Do you see any boys?", or "Yeah. We have boys, but we don't like to let them out of the house.", so they've also restrained themselves admirably. We usually just sigh out a, "Yes, all girls.", or "No boys."

7) Oh, you must be so patient.
No I'm not. The girls are old enough now to either snicker, shake their heads, or come right out and say, "No she's not.", or "Her??" Sometimes I'll take the time to explain that I'm not particularly gifted with patience, but that my mother used to say she had made sure she raised us in such a manner that she would be able to enjoy spending time with us, and that I had done my best to do the same with my own children. At other times, particularly if the person saying it was asking advice because she assumed I was patient, I would explain that part of the reason my children were reasonably well behaved was not because I was patient, but because I was intolerant of annoying behavior. For example, I really dislike whinning and squealing, so I didn't let my kids whine or squeal. I wasn't patient with it, I just didn't allow it. I would often go on to explain, not how to be patient (except with the fact that it would take a bit longer to correct a bad habit than to set a good one to begin with), but how to correct whatever problem they were having.

8) How do you do it?
Often this is a rhetorical  question. When it is I'll say something along the lines of, "I don't.", or "You just do it.", but occasionally it's legitimate and then I explain that I'm not supermom. I just keep doing what need's to be done; crossing things off my list or moving them on to the next day, or week. I'll often explain that there's no way I can do it all. I have to train the girls to help and then I spend a good deal of my time delegating and following up. I've also told people that with God all things are possible. (No - I wasn't joking.)

9) How do you manage them all?
"With a whip and a chair!!", or "Good 'ol fashioned military training." No joking here, I've really said that, but all kidding aside, when this question is sincere I usually use the same answer with regard to my mom and training them in such a manner that I'll be able to enjoy being around them. I've also said, "With a lot of prayer."

10) Why so many? (This has a few different variations as well.)
"Because we love children." "Because we feel children are a blessing from God."

11) Are you Mormon? (Or Amish, Mennonite,  etc.)
No - We are Christians.
As I said before, that doesn't seem to help some people and they'll go on to ask, "Well, what are you?" Some people start off asking that. You wouldn't believe all the potential answers that bounce around in my head when people ask me what we are. (Ummmm - human? or That's classified.) Of course some of them just ask what denomination we are. It all usually boils down to me explaining that we would be considered fairly conservative Christians and that we attend a family integrated church. Then I usually have to explain what a family integrated church is.

11) Why do you wear dresses?
We do believe you should dress modestly. We don't believe you absolutely have to wear dresses (as in, we don't believe it's a sin for women to wear pants), but we do feel that dresses are the best answer to dressing modestly and femininely. Sometimes I answer by stating simply that we wear dresses to be modest and as a way of honoring the differences God has created between men and women.

12) Why do you practice courtship?
We won't go into all the, "That's crazy." comments we get on this one. There isn't enough time in the day, and I usually ignore them. Ri's biggest problem is with all the comments about her not being able to think on her own because they feel practicing courtship means I, or my husband will try to control her life/marriage. She has taken to telling people they'll have to come up with a more original question/comment if they expect her to answer it.
We feel it's important for a young couple to focus on their future lives together, to take time to really get to know one another without getting sidetracked with a lot of the stuff that normally goes on during casual dating, and we want to maintain purity.
You have to remember here; Ri and he are both adults. They are willingly submitting to this.

13) Do you have to (wear dresses, practice courtship, not wear makeup, have long hair, have lots of babies, homeschool, etc.), because of your religion?
No. These are personal convictions of ours. Well, most of them anyway. We don't all have long hair - not the type where it's never cut. All of us keep our hair cut to whatever length we currently want it, but we do prefer them to at least have it down to their shoulders. We do wear makeup - when we want to anyway. If you're asking if we believe in birth control, that depends. We do believe you should welcome children into your lives, but we also believe you should use common sense. Sometimes refraining from having children for awhile (possibly for health issues) could be a good idea, but we would use natural family planning. I wouldn't use the pill or any other device/medication.

Homeschool questions

1) Is it legal? (You can do that?)
Yes

2) Don't you have to be certified?
No

3) How do you do it? (Is there something you have to do to teach them at home?)
I explain our state's requirements.

4) Why do you homeschool?
Depending on the person asking this, it can be a long or short answer.
We feel God tells his people that they are responsible for teaching their children about the things of God continually (Deut. 6:6-7), and that the best way to achieve that is to homeschool them. Public school not only doesn't teach about God, but by teaching from an evolutionist's standpoint it goes directly against what God teaches us. Then there's all the garbage that goes on in school. I don't think it's a good environment for children at all. I am responsible for teaching my children about God. Trying to find someone who'll do that for me isn't really embracing my responsibilities.

5) What about socialization?
"They're girls - what makes you think they'd have any problem socializing? They talk to everyone!"
"Are you kidding? If they knew my social security number so would half the county."
"Well, we let them out of the house/off the compound every great once in awile."
Then there are the times the girls mention something about a popular singer, book, or movie and their peers will say something like, "You know about that/them?" To that, my girls have gotten to where they say, "Yeah. Every so often something drifts into the bubble we live in." Then again, sometimes they beg and plead for someone to come up with something original to say.
When we're being serious, which I have to admit isn't often with regard to this question, we'll explain that having them around all kinds of people, in every situation, from every socio-economic background, and of all ages, is a much more normal form of socialization than being stuck in a classroom with 25-35 other kids of the same age all day long. And it is.

Okay - I know that's long. There were some serious answers and some not so serious answers, but I hope you enjoyed it.

Gratituesday: Bible Teaching

Laura, from Heavenly Homakers hosts Gratituesday. I've participated in it a time or two, and I wanted to again today.

What I'm grateful for today is good, solid Bible teaching.

I've gone to church most of my adult life. We've gone to many different types of churches. Presbyterian, Non-denominational, Non-denominational with a leaning toward charismatic, Baptist, Independent Baptist (yes, there is a difference), Methodist, Charity (this was a Charity style church, but not officially connected with the Charity churches), and Bible churches.
These churches have had a variety of different set ups. Most had some sort of Sunday School class activities before regular church service. All but two had an additional weekday service, usually touted as a bible study, more often resembling a Sunday morning service with less singing. Some had Sunday morning and evening services in addition to the mid-week service. And some had a constant stream of activities: services (minimum of 3 a week), camp meetings, revivals, jubilees, homecomings, ladie's meetings, men's meeting, youth meetings, etc., etc., etc.

Hands down, I feel that I've learned more about the Bible in our current church than all of the others combined. I'm not saying I didn't learn about the Bible during all of those years when I was attending other churches, but most of that learning was done through my own research because of unanswered questions I would have after preaching services, or because I was curious about a particular topic, but wasn't satisfied with the (seemingly pat) answers I was getting. That is all well and good, and exactly what you should do. We should all study the bible on our own and not leave our training exclusively in the hands of our preachers, but it is invaluable to have dedicated elders who are intent on training their congregation. We are supposed to be taught so that we can mature in the knowledge of scripture. Unfortunately, I have heard preachers insist that the congregation look to him for understanding, instead of equipping them to understand it on their own.

Our current church has two preaching/teaching elders who usually lead our services. They use expository teaching, in the truest sense. They've systematically taught through entire books of the Bible, or sometimes through a particular topic, often debating both sides of an argument. They also open the floor after the teaching for questions or comments about the service, allowing input from everyone. If they don't have a ready answer for a question, they encourage answers from the congregation. If they, or no one else has a ready answer, they will research it later and get back to you. I have learned so much, and had so many questions answered.

So, it is wonderful Bible teaching that I am grateful for today.


Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

What should a congregation following Jesus Christ in ministry look like?

The title to my post is a question that was asked on another blog.  Actually, they are linked up to someone who is holding an essay contest with that as the topic.  I'm not entering any contest, but I thought it a worthy question.  I basically asked myself this question for a good long while before we finally started attending a family integrated church.  We've been to a variety of different churches and while I'm sure I could stand to spend more time really searching this question out, I'm pretty sure I have a good hold on what a congregation that is following Jesus should not look like.  Church politics, backbiting/gossiping, cliques, spiritual dependancy, and worldy attitudes should definately be in the "not" category. 
To start with, I'd like to say that I don't intend to offend anyone, but topics like this are very sensitive and most people automatically adopt a defensive stance whenever someone starts sharing an opinion that may be different from theirs.  I personally think it's a good thing to question what you believe every once in awhile.  Revisit standards and convictions and study them out again.  Finally, know that God tells us in Romans 14:5, when it comes to disagreements about convictions, "Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind."  Of course, a good starting ground for being fully persuaded is to study.
All that being said, one of the first things I think one should look at when considering a ministry, and whether or not it is following Jesus, is why the church meets.  I know there are tons of churches out there like this, but I don't really think the church should be designed to "Get people in so you can tell them about God."  When we read about Paul and the other disciples sharing the gospel with other people, it was out in the world, in every day life.  I'm not saying you can't get saved in church, and if you can get people to visit, that's great, but it should not be the main reason to meet.  I know some churches would argue that this is not really the main purpose of their meeting, but when you are constantly admonished to go out and visit/knock on doors in order to "get people in", and you hear a salvation message every single Sunday morning (and often, at other times as well), your claim that church isn't for that purpose loses it's believability (is that a word?).  I've heard preachers like this say that in order to truly grow in the word you have to attend all the meetings; meaning of course, Sunday school, and Wed. and Sun. night.  Too often I've heard these same preachers spend Sun. and Wed. evening service  berating those present about church attendance dropping off during those times (Side note here - why are they fussing at the ones that are there?  If that's what they're worried about, shouldn't they being saying that to the ones that only come on Sun. morning?).  So, sadly, not a whole lot of teaching gets done.  I believe the main purpose of the church should be the growth of the breathren.  It should be for instruction, edifying, fellowship, and occasionally for rebuke or correction.  The teaching should challenge and occasionally convict us.  It should arouse our curiosity.  It should be designed to increase our understanding of the Word, and consequently, our spiritual growth.  Mature Christians are much more apt to feel comfortable sharing the gospel.  I know that when I was new in Christ, I felt inadequate to effectivly share the gospel.  I certainly didn't know as much about the Bible as I do now.  I know there are some that are gun-ho right from the start, but sometimes they overwhelm people in their enthusiasm.  Some of the best, most effective witnessing I've seen has been from mature, grounded christians.  This is where I feel I should make reference to my earlier comment about spiritual dependancy.  Spiritual dependancy is created in churches where the pastor/preacher is the be-all-end-all when it comes to the ability to understand God's word.  I know I'm not formally educated when it comes to the Bible, but most of it is fairly plain and easy to understand.  Pastors cripple a congregation when they insist that you should always look to them for understanding about the Word of God.  They should be teaching, discipling,  and encouraging us so we can study and understand it for ourselves.
Another quality of a congregation that is following Jesus, is helping each other.  The members should be there for one another spiritually and physically.  It is really the church's job to care for the "widows and orphans", as well as others in need.  We are at a point where everyone has given that job over to the government and it has not turned out well.  With things as they stand, it is difficult to rebound from this, but a Christ following congregation should do what they can.  I have actually attended a church that provided for widows that had no other family support.  Even when one of the widows had several children, the church provided her lodging and money for food and utilities so she could stay at home and teach her children.  It was a beautiful thing to see, but many churches are steeped in debt, making this a near impossibility.  It is difficult learn faith in God for provision, even if your pastor preaches this, when the church itself keepings running out to the bank to get funding for every new addition, or new vans/buses/whatever.  The church I mentioned above that provided for widows also built their new church themselves - literally - as in, the men, and extended family members, built the new church building after the church had saved money for the materials.  They made do with a building that was really too small for the size of the congregation until the new one was finished.  
A Christ following congregation will also have parents that are obviously trying to raise their children up, "...in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."  Eph.6:4.  Men who have taken seriously their jobs as head of the house.  Women who are committed to training their children.  Parents who do not abdicate their responsibility to teach their children about God to the church.  In this same vein, a Christ following congregation will have decent conversations.  Not that every conversation they have will be spiritual, many won't.  But the things they talk about won't be full of the world.  Suggestive comments and gossip have no place.  There may be plently of talk about day-to-day life, but who's winning American Idol and which store has the best sales on won't dominate the discussions.  In other words, you will see something on the outside that lets you know they are trying to live a life dedicated to the things of God.  I definately don't want to see people who are decidedly different inside church than they are the rest of the time.
Personnally, I don't think liberalism or feminism have a place in a Christ honoring congregation.  Being Christ like is dying to self, not spending the preponderancy of your time worrying about your own personal rights.  It also does not see government as the solution for all social woes.
This is certainly not a comprehensive list, but it was the begining of what I was looking for in a congregation.  I want to see some evidence of Jesus in the people I see in church.  I don't want it to look like "a country club for people who claim to be christians", as I've heard it described. 
I'd love to hear what others think about this. 

Becky

PS  If I did this right, there is a link to the blog that is holding this contest when you click on the title of the post.