No. I'm trying for one with green eyes, and other answers to "those" questions.

With regard to my last post, Megan Jenelle asked, "I wonder . . . what have been some of your responses to the questions? Any good but ladylike comebacks? Just wondering . . . ".

So I decided it would make a good post. I'll warn you up front - not all of the responses have been ladylike. Sometimes my lack of patience is plainly evident. Some are humorous, and I do have a very strong sarcastic streak in me, but some of them, especially with regard to our beliefs are fairly good (and not sarcastic) answers.
Keep in mind that all answers are dependent on who is asking the question and why. Some people are genuinely interested, some people are nosey, and some people are just plain rude. Others will get instantly offended when you answer a question with something along the lines of, "Because we feel this is what is best for our children.",  and some professing Christians will get more than a little offended if you tell them you're trying to follow God's direction with regard to how you raise/educate your children. The minute someone else, particulary another women, gets the idea that you feel a mother should stay at home with her kids (whether or not you actually said that) the battle lines are drawn. It is my expierence that with some people it is a no-win situation. They will get offended at the most obscure comment, or try to keep questioning you until you do say something they object to. I like to be as honest as I can with my answers (well, sometimes - like when I'm fairly sure they aren't just trying to be crass), but I also try to word things as non-controversially as possible. There are times though, that you just have to chalk the whole thing up to not casting your pearls before swine. Some of the answers were reserved for family members - as far as I'm concerned it's pretty much no-holds-barred with them. They've known me my whole life. If they are going to ask me stupid questions, well...  I will answer them properly when I feel the joke episode has come to an end.

1) Do (Don't) you know what causes that?
This is never asked seriously. It's rude. Period. No - it's never funny. Okay - maybe I'm just a bit touchy about this. Uhhh, on second thought, no I'm not. It's crass. This never warrents a real answer and to be honest, I usually tried to ignore it. Unless you were related.
Sometimes the sarcastic part of me took over and I'd say,  "Well I'm not sure, but I think there's something in the water.", or "I don't know, but I think it's contagious." 

2) You should get that fixed.
Yeah - everything I said about the first question applies to this comment as well.
Again, it was often ignored, but I have answered with, "Ummmm, it doesn't appear to be broken.", or "Everything seems to work just fine."

3) Are they all yours?
This one can be fun. Some answers:
"Ummm, I think so.", or "Only the girls." (This one usually has them looking around.)

4) Are you trying for a boy?
Well intentioned or not, this question never fails to grate on my nerves. It insinuates the girls aren't good enough and even if that wasn't the questioner's intent, I always felt as though the girls could potentially take it that way. Ask them now and they'll admit they did feel that way occasionally when we were asked the question. Some answers:
"Of course not.", "What for?", "No - in fact we're hoping for another girl.", "We're trying to set the world's record for the most girls one family can have in a row.", "No - we're just trying for babies.", and my all time favorite, "No, I'm trying for one with green eyes." To understand this one better it helps to know that I was expecting T.Lynn (our youngest) and my husband, and all four of the other girls have varying shades of blue, blue/grey eyes. I have hazel, but not the kind with brown in them. They are a funny, changeable green/greenish-blue, and although they only occasionally look true blue in person (or so I'm told), in pictures they often look very blue. Because of this, I wasn't expecting to have a child with green eyes anymore than I was expecting a boy. Maybe my weird hazel, but not green. Never fear though, poetic justice is always right around the corner. T.Lynn has green eyes. Not blueish green, or changeable, or anything else. Just green. You gotta love it!

5) You have FIVE kids???
Really - with the way some people say it you'd think I had forty or fifty. Of course a lot of people just start counting. Some stop and start over repeatedly, on occasion never getting past two. And most of the time the kids aren't even moving around, confusing the counter. Once they were all lined up on an elevator and then I only had four.
I ususally cut to the chase when I see/hear someone counting and just tell them five. That's when I get the above question.
*Ri here. Sometimes when people start counting us, some of us have a nearly overwhelming desire to start moving around and darting behind each other. We've never actually done that, but that desire is there nonetheless!

6) All girls?
Or any variation of that theme - All girls? Only girls? No boys?
I would really love to start looking around, muttering something like, "They were just here....", but so far I've restrained myself. The girls will admit to wanting to say, "Do you see any boys?", or "Yeah. We have boys, but we don't like to let them out of the house.", so they've also restrained themselves admirably. We usually just sigh out a, "Yes, all girls.", or "No boys."

7) Oh, you must be so patient.
No I'm not. The girls are old enough now to either snicker, shake their heads, or come right out and say, "No she's not.", or "Her??" Sometimes I'll take the time to explain that I'm not particularly gifted with patience, but that my mother used to say she had made sure she raised us in such a manner that she would be able to enjoy spending time with us, and that I had done my best to do the same with my own children. At other times, particularly if the person saying it was asking advice because she assumed I was patient, I would explain that part of the reason my children were reasonably well behaved was not because I was patient, but because I was intolerant of annoying behavior. For example, I really dislike whinning and squealing, so I didn't let my kids whine or squeal. I wasn't patient with it, I just didn't allow it. I would often go on to explain, not how to be patient (except with the fact that it would take a bit longer to correct a bad habit than to set a good one to begin with), but how to correct whatever problem they were having.

8) How do you do it?
Often this is a rhetorical  question. When it is I'll say something along the lines of, "I don't.", or "You just do it.", but occasionally it's legitimate and then I explain that I'm not supermom. I just keep doing what need's to be done; crossing things off my list or moving them on to the next day, or week. I'll often explain that there's no way I can do it all. I have to train the girls to help and then I spend a good deal of my time delegating and following up. I've also told people that with God all things are possible. (No - I wasn't joking.)

9) How do you manage them all?
"With a whip and a chair!!", or "Good 'ol fashioned military training." No joking here, I've really said that, but all kidding aside, when this question is sincere I usually use the same answer with regard to my mom and training them in such a manner that I'll be able to enjoy being around them. I've also said, "With a lot of prayer."

10) Why so many? (This has a few different variations as well.)
"Because we love children." "Because we feel children are a blessing from God."

11) Are you Mormon? (Or Amish, Mennonite,  etc.)
No - We are Christians.
As I said before, that doesn't seem to help some people and they'll go on to ask, "Well, what are you?" Some people start off asking that. You wouldn't believe all the potential answers that bounce around in my head when people ask me what we are. (Ummmm - human? or That's classified.) Of course some of them just ask what denomination we are. It all usually boils down to me explaining that we would be considered fairly conservative Christians and that we attend a family integrated church. Then I usually have to explain what a family integrated church is.

11) Why do you wear dresses?
We do believe you should dress modestly. We don't believe you absolutely have to wear dresses (as in, we don't believe it's a sin for women to wear pants), but we do feel that dresses are the best answer to dressing modestly and femininely. Sometimes I answer by stating simply that we wear dresses to be modest and as a way of honoring the differences God has created between men and women.

12) Why do you practice courtship?
We won't go into all the, "That's crazy." comments we get on this one. There isn't enough time in the day, and I usually ignore them. Ri's biggest problem is with all the comments about her not being able to think on her own because they feel practicing courtship means I, or my husband will try to control her life/marriage. She has taken to telling people they'll have to come up with a more original question/comment if they expect her to answer it.
We feel it's important for a young couple to focus on their future lives together, to take time to really get to know one another without getting sidetracked with a lot of the stuff that normally goes on during casual dating, and we want to maintain purity.
You have to remember here; Ri and he are both adults. They are willingly submitting to this.

13) Do you have to (wear dresses, practice courtship, not wear makeup, have long hair, have lots of babies, homeschool, etc.), because of your religion?
No. These are personal convictions of ours. Well, most of them anyway. We don't all have long hair - not the type where it's never cut. All of us keep our hair cut to whatever length we currently want it, but we do prefer them to at least have it down to their shoulders. We do wear makeup - when we want to anyway. If you're asking if we believe in birth control, that depends. We do believe you should welcome children into your lives, but we also believe you should use common sense. Sometimes refraining from having children for awhile (possibly for health issues) could be a good idea, but we would use natural family planning. I wouldn't use the pill or any other device/medication.

Homeschool questions

1) Is it legal? (You can do that?)
Yes

2) Don't you have to be certified?
No

3) How do you do it? (Is there something you have to do to teach them at home?)
I explain our state's requirements.

4) Why do you homeschool?
Depending on the person asking this, it can be a long or short answer.
We feel God tells his people that they are responsible for teaching their children about the things of God continually (Deut. 6:6-7), and that the best way to achieve that is to homeschool them. Public school not only doesn't teach about God, but by teaching from an evolutionist's standpoint it goes directly against what God teaches us. Then there's all the garbage that goes on in school. I don't think it's a good environment for children at all. I am responsible for teaching my children about God. Trying to find someone who'll do that for me isn't really embracing my responsibilities.

5) What about socialization?
"They're girls - what makes you think they'd have any problem socializing? They talk to everyone!"
"Are you kidding? If they knew my social security number so would half the county."
"Well, we let them out of the house/off the compound every great once in awile."
Then there are the times the girls mention something about a popular singer, book, or movie and their peers will say something like, "You know about that/them?" To that, my girls have gotten to where they say, "Yeah. Every so often something drifts into the bubble we live in." Then again, sometimes they beg and plead for someone to come up with something original to say.
When we're being serious, which I have to admit isn't often with regard to this question, we'll explain that having them around all kinds of people, in every situation, from every socio-economic background, and of all ages, is a much more normal form of socialization than being stuck in a classroom with 25-35 other kids of the same age all day long. And it is.

Okay - I know that's long. There were some serious answers and some not so serious answers, but I hope you enjoyed it.

Professionals

I am to start teaching several of the ladies, and some of their daughters from our church how to sew.
I feel uniquely unqualified to do this.
I know, I sew a lot. I've sewn a lot of different things. I've been sewing for years now, and yet I still feel unqualified to teach a class on sewing. Now why is that?
I think I feel that way because I have never been taught how to sew. For the most part I have muddled through, and I do mean muddled, on my own. I have picked up a few pointers here and there, but the vast majority has been learned by doing it wrong, tearing it apart and starting over.
I don't know why we have such a mind-set about "professionals" in this country. I don't want to make it seem as though they have no place, they do, but we need to keep in mind that they are just people. Absolute trust in professionals, thinking they are the only ones that can do something, is one of the things that makes people doubt they can teach their own children. It also makes other people doubt that you are capable of teaching your own children. It's not that I felt qualified to teach when I started homeschooling my own children, it's just that I was so opposed to institutional learning (and we could not afford private tutoring) that I felt I was the best option for my children, despite the lack of any professional training in that area. People fall into this same trap with doctors. I have gone to the doctor, been diagnosed improperly, given the wrong medication (which caused an awful reaction because it was the wrong med.), and had to go back, just to be told by someone else that I had exactly what I suggested to the first one was wrong. The problem was so bad by the time it was diagnosed properly I nearly had to quit nursing in order to take the medication that they suggested was the only one that would work. I pitched a fit, made them come up with another solution, and as a side note, got them to refund all the doctors fees I paid. In my opinion, it was bad enough that I was having to spend MUCH more money on medication than I would have had too, not to mention all the addtional time (and discomfort) it was taking to cure the problem, than if the first one had just listened more carefully, asked a second opinion, or done just a bit more research into the problem. I also sought help from someone who knew about herbs in order to use those remedies along with the prescription to help solve the problem. I have also had to insist a doctor care for me during a miscarriage (I didn't know for sure I was miscarrying, but I did know something was wrong). I had none of the typical warning signs that something was going wrong, so he attempted to brush me aside and it was only at my insistance that he looked into it more and discovered the problem. I'm not saying that we shouldn't use doctors, obviously I do, but we should trust ourselves more, and understand that the professionals we look up to are just people. Yes, people who have had specialized training, but still - just people. They will make mistakes. They will be tired, or ill, or going through personal problems that will keep them from being at the top of their game. They will be influenced by their training, which may, or may not have been all that great. We have to remember that when we are trusting someone, we are trusting everyone else that taught them, along with all of the expierence they have gained on their own. We need to understand that just because something works on paper (which is really just something working in theory), it doesn't mean it will work in real life, but that many people have been trained to think that it will. Many's the time my father has had to make adjustments to a blueprint because the engineer, who had not actually worked with whatever it was they were working on, didn't understand how things would react when put in different situations.
Bottom line -  Professionals are important, but they should just be one aspect in whatever it is we are doing. We need to educate ourselves with regard to whatever we are undertaking. We need to trust our instincts. We need to talk to other people, but remain objective about the things we are told. We need to learn how to do things for ourself and teach those things to other people, especially our children. Some people naturally teach a bit better than others, but when it comes right down to it, if you know how to do something you can teach someone else how to do it. People have often been shocked when I would tell them that I let one of the older girls teach the younger ones some aspect of their schoolwork, or on ocassion an entire subject, but if the older one knew about the topic why couldn't they pass that information along? Plus, it became a great way for me to see exactly how good a grasp the older one had on it. I know I learned a lot, about a lot of things once I started homeschooling my children.
Learn. Learn everthing you can. Learn some more, and then teach someone else.

Senior Project??

Their senior project is to graduate!

Who came up with the whole idea of a senior project?  It's absolutely ridiculous.  What's more, I can't tell you the number of public school parents who must assume senior projects are required by the state for graduation.  At least that's what I have to assume based on the number or parents who ask me (knowing we homeschool) what my girls are doing for their senior projects.  They're all astonished when I tell them the girls aren't doing senior projects, and then I always have to reassure them that the girls can indeed graduate without having done one.  The next question is always, "How?"  Welllll, because WE are the school administrators/superintendents/educators/(for that matter, janitor, school nurse, lunch lady, principle, guidence counsellor...) and as such we are the ones who get to decide the requirements for graduation from our school.  And senior projects are not required; why? because they're nonsense.  Let me give you some examples:
1)The senior project has nothing whatsoever to do with the child's education.  It in no way shows whether or not the child has passed his courses.  What's more, at least in our area, it doesn't matter whether or not the child passes every single one of his/her courses, if they don't succesfully complete their senior project, they don't graduate.
2)They only get one shot at the offical presentation (yes, I know there are a number of steps to go through up to that point, but still...), if they fail to present it properly they have to go back to school for at least one more semester...and another attempt at a completely diferent project.
3)The project has nothing whatsoever to do with what the child may be interested in as a career.  Case in point - the son of the man my younger brother works for (who happens to go to the same school as Superman): his first submission was on coaching, which is what he wants to go to college for - this boy REALLY wants to be a coach.  His first submission was rejected.  His second submission was for welding/machining - his father owns a welding/metal fabricating/machine shop, if, for any reason, he can't become a coach, his obvious fallback (and something he already works in part-time) is welding/machining - a very useful skill.  This submission was also rejected.  I can't even remember what his final choice was, but it has nothing to do with whatever he may do later in life.
4)Not all schools, even within the same county, require a senior project.  This is grossly unfair to the kids who do go to a school that requires them.  They have to do the work on a computer - hard for kids who don't have a computer, and no, there are no exceptions.  They have to invest a certain amount of money in it for supplies - hard for kids who have parents that are on a tight budget (IMHO this is why all schools don't require them-not to offend anyone here, but one of the schools in our district that doesn't is in the lowest income area of town).  Some of the schools require a certain number of community service hours that are somehow related to the topic of their project - hard for the kids (and their parents) who don't have their own car.
My cousin's daughter's senior project was on fashion.  Fashion?? Really??  What's more, I havn't the faintest idea what the community service work portion of her project could have been.  And no, she doesn't now work in some fashion related job.

It took Superman several tries (well into his second semester) to gain approval for his senior project.  He's had to arrange for time on a computer at school-mostly after (some before)  school when he could have, and would have preferred to be working.  He's spent many hours at the library working on the computer there (we would have gladly allowed him to work here, but we live almost a half-hour away, spending all that money on gas wasn't an option).  He's not only lost work time, and the resulting paycheck, but he's had to spend money on the project; money that could have definately been better utilized.

So let's see.  Should I require my children to spend copious quanties of time, money, and effort on something that;
A)doesn't really show whether or not they have sucessfully completed their studies,
and,
B)doesn't have anything whatsoever to do with what they want to accomplish in their lives?
Nope.  I think not.
Call me a rebel.  Doubt the sufficiency of my children's education.  That's okay because I question the sanity of anyone who doesn't fight tooth and nail to abolish a graduation requirement that in no way represents the child's education, especially since the establishment that is requiring such an inane activity is continuously cranking out some of the most illiterate, "educated" people on the planet, despite their having completed a senior project.  If they feel they need some sort of bench-mark the kids must pass before completing their education (if passing one's courses isn't enough), then go back to the competency test.  That was one of the requirements for graduation when I was in school, and I remember the controversy around having that as a requirement. Personally I never understood why anyone would suggest that it was unfair to have that as a requirement since questions on the test revolved, for the most part, around such everyday, simple tasks as looking things up in a dictionary or phone book, or balancing a checkbook. At least those really are things people should/need to know how to do.

BTW - In no way do I mean to suggest that homeschoolers should be required to pass such a test.  The parents are the school administrators and as such should have the right to decide what their children must do to graduate their school.  Things such as the senior project just make me that much more happy that we homeschool.  I would have a major problem with my children being required to complete something I felt was such a huge waste of time, and such an immense inconvience. 

Becky

Thinking Outside the Box

"New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any other reason but because they are not already common." - John Locke

The thing is, the opinion, or idea doesn't even have to be "new" in order to come under scrutiny by others.  It just has to have not been acted on in a generation or two, and if you dare nudge your family in that direction, you are setting yourself up for endless questions, comments, criticism, and even down-right hostile encounters.  People are so used to judging, and being judged that oftentimes you can't even offer an honest answer to a question without the questioner thinking that you are passing judgment on them for not thinking the same.
Here's the short list of things I've been scrutinized for:
Staying at home, even before we had children.
Staying at home after we had children.
Breastfeeding
Having more than 2 children.
Homeschooling (this would undoubtably be the biggest)
Wearing dresses/skirts all the time.
Believing that my husband is the head of the house (and daring to teach my girls the same).
Courtship
Now ask yourself, are these concepts really new?  Nope, they're not.  Think back a hundred and fifty years or so, and you'll have to admit that most of the things I've listed above were normal then, instead of being "weird".  Schooling did have many variations, even then, but teaching children at home was still quite common.

The next thing a person should ask themselves is:  Is society really any better right now?
I don't think so.  Yes, we have more stuff, and more opportunities, and less people probably die from starvation, and (definately) less people die from easily treated infections; but has that really made us happier?  Again, I don't think so.  People are constantly dissatisfied and depressed, always reaching for more and more, and our families are in ruins.

The above quote uses the word common, and while I think it a better word to use, most people think of things as "normal", or "abnormal" (when in reality they are just common or uncommon).  I don't care about "normal".  When we were newly married, and expecting our first child, I looked around at how "normal" families were doing things and decided that I didn't want that for our family.  It was depressing to see the families struggling after so much stuff (and happiness) and the children turning out to be demanding little monsters that you really didn't want over at your house for fear of the mayhem they would bring.  I could never wrap my mind around the concept of reasoning with a two year old (they don't reason - they want).  I don't agree with the idea of children having rights (as in their right to have the newest/best whatever, or their right to privacy, except when in the bathroom).  They aren't paying for the house, so it isn't REALLY their room - hence - YOU have the RIGHT to know what's in there (and you SHOULD know - no child should have an arsenal, or drugs in their room, and you not have a clue about it).  I started watching the families that I felt were succeeding in raising their children well, and incorporating what they were doing into our family.  After I got saved, I began to see how those things lined up with scripture.  Now, oftentimes, the biggest stuggles come when I try to explain our beliefs to other Christians.

I'll leave this off with a final thought - a really sad event that happened several years ago, in a neighboring county, that sums up how society has failed when it comes to their families.  It was winter (but winter in NC frequently means it's freezing overnight, but will get above freezing during the day) and we had some nasty weather during the night.  It was the kind of day that has the school officals wrestling with whether or not to cancel, delay, or start school at the normal time (it's a no-win situation for them).  In one county, a 17 year old girl died that morning in a car accident on the way to school.  She was driving and lost control of the car on an icy patch.  I am very sorry for the loss that family endured, but as I watched TV that night, a reporter was talking to her mom, and her mother was blaming the school officals for her daughters death.  The thing that struck me the most was the fact that the mother admitted that she didn't feel as though it was safe for her daughter to drive that day, but allowed her to go off by herself anyway.  Why does this bother me?  Because the entire decision was the parents responsibility. When it comes right down to it, it's the parents job to ensure the safety of their children, and if you think a situation is dangerous, you don't put your children in it.  Period!  Parents have become so accustomed to abdicating responsibility for their children, that it has become "normal".  So, all of our hands-on, in their face, know all of their business, the kids are with me all the time type of parenting leaves us wide open for all the comments, criticism, etc. I mentioned earlier.  But that's okay - I'm a big girl, I can take.  

There are times though, that all I can really say to all of this is, "Well, we'll just have to wait and see if we did it right." 

They're Normal!!!

A few weeks ago a dear family that we used to go to church with came over for supper.  We had a great time, and  I very much enjoyed spending the evening with them.  The girls and their son played UNO Attack while the adults were talking and,  from time to time, standing around the table watching the intense competition.  The subject of church apparently came up during one of the times we weren't standing around the table, and when their son found out that nearly all the kids at our church are homeschooled, he made the remark that he couldn't go to church there.  Of course the girls were shocked at his statement and asked him why.  You see, he has always attended public school and aside from our girls and one other boy at church(I'll be the first to admit that boy is a little unique), he has never met any homeschoolers.  He assumed he'd be ostracized, or at the very least, looked at funny if he made a comment about something that happened at school.  Long story short (it's probably too late for that), he was invited to attend church with us.  At our church we are encouraged to bring lunch and hang around afterward to eat and fellowship, so when he joined us last week, we stayed for quite awhile after the service was concluded.  Once we got home I asked him about it.  Something along the lines of, "So, you just spent the entire morning, and part of the afternoon with nothing but a bunch of homeschooled kids.  What did you think?"  His answer was -  brace yourselves - "They're just normal."  I behaved myself very well, and said none of the things that I may have wanted to under other circumstances (You know, sarcastic things like, What??  Just normal??  They didn't kick you out of the ultimate frisbee game because you didn't, for some/any reason, fit into the crowd?  Nobody looked at you funny? People talked to you even after they found out you were public schooled? - See I was good, not that I would have said that to a young person anyway - it's the adults I sometimes want to say those things to).  I just assured him that, yes indeed, they are normal*, and he and the girls hung out and played games for the remainder of the afternoon.
Incorrect perceptions about homeschoolers apparently abound within the ranks of public schooled children, and I just have to wonder where those perceptions come from.  Okay, I can understand him feeling as though he may be ostracized for being different.  That would just come from his experiences in public school, but other things do not have any origin in personal experience.  Like all the public school children that say things like, "Oh, I'm sorry for you." when they hear one of the girls mention that they are homeschooled (trust me, the girls have a ready answer when this sentiment is expressed).  And what about all the public schooled kids that try to quiz my kids on everything from algebra to Spanish?  The misconceptions don't stop at the children.  One of the mothers on our street came right out and said she didn't want to homeschool because she wanted her child to have a good education.  Of course, she quickly backpeddled and told us that she was sure ours had a good education.  Good thing since it was my children she sent her daughter to for help on her homework.  Her and her oldest son (in college) have also talked about homeschoolers being weird.  Here again she backpeddled and told my kids that this did not include them.  Hmmmm - I guess the origins of the kids' perceptions isn't so hard to find.  I just wish we could break through these misconceptions.  I've got to be honest when I say that I get very tired of some of the same old questions.  And I really get tired of people quizzing the girls or asking them "Just exactly what is it you do all day?".  If it were an honest question I would not have a problem with it, but it's not usually said in a "I'm sincerely curious and just want to learn more about you" kind of way.  We're not even going to touch the "socialization" question - grrrr.
Yes, the kids are normal*, in the sense that they behave as the young people they are.   This does not (thank goodness) mean they act in the "normal", silly, I'm more concerned about my (current) boyfriend and my clothes than anything else kind of way.  In fact, when we went to a church with mostly public schooled children, my kids had very little to do with most of them, because, as my 17yr would say, they just didn't have anything real to talk about.
I'm glad they are normal*, and equally glad that they are not just your "average" kid.

Becky

*As a Christain humorist once wrote, "Normal is just a setting on your dryer."  I love that!

Messages

Sept. 26

Do any of us really think of the messages we're sending our children?  Target has now joined ranks with other stores in producing commecials aimed at telling our children that we don't want them around.  Yes, I'm referring to back to school commercials - like the one from one of the office supply stores that shows a father gleefully skipping and riding a shopping cart through the store, tossing around school supplies to the tune of The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.  The newest Target ad was talking about a women being able to get back to her routine, which, of course, included being able to save money at Target, now that her child was back in school.  It hinted at her being able to be more stress free.  She could get things to give herself a facial, and indulge in a little "color therapy".  (Don't even get me started on the irresponsibility of encouraging women to view shopping as therapeudic.  It should always be viewed as a necessary evil - but I digress.)  The close of the commercial assures us that all will again be well with her life now that things have returned to normal.  I kid you not, they actually used the term, back to normal.  
So lets see what message we are sending to our children.  The biggie of course would be that my life cannot be "normal" unless you are spending 8-10 hrs a day away from me.  But the others would be;  I can get back to my routine once you are away from me.  I can relax and give myself a facial (because heavens knows you can't wash your face with a child at home).  And, of course,  I can't receive my necessary (weekly?) dose of 'color therapy' unless you are somewhere else.  Hmmmm - there seems to be an awful lot of I's in there, but, once again, I digress.
This is just one example of the way we show children we don't really want them around.  One of the things I found disturbing about attending 'regular' church (we go to a family integrated church now) was the conversations that went on among the women.   I couldn't tell you how many times I listened to women complaining about their children.  I would hear them make comments, while dropping their child(ren) off in the nursery, about them (the kids) being their (the workers) problem now.  Or saying that they just can't concentrate on the service with the kids there.  And several times, during mid-week services, I heard mothers rejoicing over the fact that the kids were going to Grandma's for the weekend.  Ohhhh, they were sooooo going to enjoy the weekend now!  Ohhhh, how I got to where I hated hearing that kind of sentiment being expressed.  One of the first times I heard it (we didn't always attend 'regular' church) I went to my girls later and appologized for ever having said that I would really enjoy a weekend they were going to spend with my mother.  The girls assured me they could never recall me saying anything thing like that (thank you Lord!), and that, while they knew I did enjoy the time of rest I would get when they were gone, they never felt as though I didn't want them around (again - thank you Lord!).  It's not really bad to show that you will enjoy some quiet time, especially if your spending time with your spouse, because it's good for your children to see you enjoy special, one on one time with their father.  But, the constant griping and complaning, and continually expressing a desire to do things without your kids, or conversely, complaining about having to do things with your children around is damaging.  And yes, I know this doesn't just happen at church.  I once had a aunt that walked into every family dinner complaining about her children.  Literally, from the moment she arrived, she complained about her sons.  I always felt incredibly sorry for them.  It's just that #1, as christians, we should see children as a blessing, not a burden (and if you can't enjoy them because of their behavior, then do something about it); and #2, for the most part, you'll see church members much more frequently that you will extended family.  The damage from this type of behavior is not just limited to your own children either.  The example this sets for younger women is inexcusably bad, and in direct violation to scripture.  As the sidebar of my blog shows, the older women are to show the younger ones how to love their children.  We should show them the example of enjoying time with our children.
We should strive to constantly remember how the things we say could potentially be interpreted by our children.  I never want mine to think I don't like being around them.  Our world is rife with examples in everyday life about how children are a burden.  From politicians espousing the belief that we should limit family size during these 'trying economic times', because of the potential financial burden children will bring (please - a little logic here people - if you have children you will evariably boost the economy to some degree, because you have to buy a certain amount of stuff for them), to, as we've discussed, advertising that will assure us that we will be much better off once someone else has the apparently unenviable task of spending the day with your kids.
As christians, it is our responsibility to show the world a different example.  A biblical example.  We should be showing everyone exactly how wonderful it can be to have and spend great quantities time with our children.  We are to invest our time willingly in the children God has entrusted to us.  They did not ask for you to have them - you did that on your own, and, while I don't really believe children have a lot of "rights", the one I think they should (but too often don't) have is the right to have parents dedicated to raising them in the way God would have them to.  Being willing to sacrifice everything (including those 2 new SUV's) so that you can devote your time to them, because that is what they need the most.

Becky