Do I need blessing, or am I already blessed?

We were at a wedding just a few weeks ago for someone very close to our family.  It was a lovely wedding, but unfortunately, not without a bit of drama preceding the ceremony.  When I intervened in an altercation that was underway, merely to point out that it wasn't the time or place for such a display, I understandably ruffled a few feathers.  Thankfully, the participants went their separate ways, but I did receive a rather pointed look later on in the day from one of them in particular.  This made me a little wary when, just as we are about to leave, this person approached me.  I won't go into details, but this was a very odd encounter.  It seemed as though she felt the need to pray for me, which I wouldn't ordinarily balk at, but given the previous events, and her, ahhh, unusual manner, I wasn't as thrilled as I could have been.  She encouraged me to relax and said that I needed to be blessed because I had so many girls.  I assured her that I had already been blessed by having those girls.  In the end I just let her say her prayer so that I could leave without making another huge scene, but I was not at all comfortable with it.

So what do you do when someone wants to "bless" you, but you aren't certain of their heart?  Many times these people do not mean any harm, so it's not a problem to humor them.  At other times, the person may make you feel uncomfortable.  And worst of all are times when you seriously question their intent.  Most of the time I will allow someone to pray for me; as I said, people usually do so with the best intentions.  Occasionally, if I feel uncomfortable, I try to excuse myself from the situation if I can do so gracefully.  If not, I will do as I did on this occasion and allow the person their prayer, excusing myself as quickly as possible afterward.  I certainly won't allow something that's making me uncomfortable drag on very long.  And last of all are the times when you get a really bad "vibe" off the person offering to pray.  In those cases it's best to excuse yourself as quickly as possible.  For the most part, these are usually people you don't know anyway, so although you risk offending them, you probably won't see them again.  If you do, and get to know them, then you can always apologize later if necessary.

People have all sorts of beliefs, and if they are determined to pray for you they will, even if you don't stand around while they do it, and there are weird people in the world who give you the creeps when they approach you offering to pray.   But, my God is bigger than creepy people and misguided prayers.  When in doubt, pray while they are praying - louder, if necessary to get your point across.  Finally, I would add that you need to take into account the age of the person offering the prayer.  Older people may be suffering from some sort of dementia which can make a well intended prayer seem confusing or uncomfortable.  In the end, the age of the person who wanted to pray for me this time is partially why I allowed the prayer instead of excusing myself beforehand.

So, do I need blessing, or am I already blessed?  Of course the answer to that is, both.

No. I'm trying for one with green eyes, and other answers to "those" questions.

With regard to my last post, Megan Jenelle asked, "I wonder . . . what have been some of your responses to the questions? Any good but ladylike comebacks? Just wondering . . . ".

So I decided it would make a good post. I'll warn you up front - not all of the responses have been ladylike. Sometimes my lack of patience is plainly evident. Some are humorous, and I do have a very strong sarcastic streak in me, but some of them, especially with regard to our beliefs are fairly good (and not sarcastic) answers.
Keep in mind that all answers are dependent on who is asking the question and why. Some people are genuinely interested, some people are nosey, and some people are just plain rude. Others will get instantly offended when you answer a question with something along the lines of, "Because we feel this is what is best for our children.",  and some professing Christians will get more than a little offended if you tell them you're trying to follow God's direction with regard to how you raise/educate your children. The minute someone else, particulary another women, gets the idea that you feel a mother should stay at home with her kids (whether or not you actually said that) the battle lines are drawn. It is my expierence that with some people it is a no-win situation. They will get offended at the most obscure comment, or try to keep questioning you until you do say something they object to. I like to be as honest as I can with my answers (well, sometimes - like when I'm fairly sure they aren't just trying to be crass), but I also try to word things as non-controversially as possible. There are times though, that you just have to chalk the whole thing up to not casting your pearls before swine. Some of the answers were reserved for family members - as far as I'm concerned it's pretty much no-holds-barred with them. They've known me my whole life. If they are going to ask me stupid questions, well...  I will answer them properly when I feel the joke episode has come to an end.

1) Do (Don't) you know what causes that?
This is never asked seriously. It's rude. Period. No - it's never funny. Okay - maybe I'm just a bit touchy about this. Uhhh, on second thought, no I'm not. It's crass. This never warrents a real answer and to be honest, I usually tried to ignore it. Unless you were related.
Sometimes the sarcastic part of me took over and I'd say,  "Well I'm not sure, but I think there's something in the water.", or "I don't know, but I think it's contagious." 

2) You should get that fixed.
Yeah - everything I said about the first question applies to this comment as well.
Again, it was often ignored, but I have answered with, "Ummmm, it doesn't appear to be broken.", or "Everything seems to work just fine."

3) Are they all yours?
This one can be fun. Some answers:
"Ummm, I think so.", or "Only the girls." (This one usually has them looking around.)

4) Are you trying for a boy?
Well intentioned or not, this question never fails to grate on my nerves. It insinuates the girls aren't good enough and even if that wasn't the questioner's intent, I always felt as though the girls could potentially take it that way. Ask them now and they'll admit they did feel that way occasionally when we were asked the question. Some answers:
"Of course not.", "What for?", "No - in fact we're hoping for another girl.", "We're trying to set the world's record for the most girls one family can have in a row.", "No - we're just trying for babies.", and my all time favorite, "No, I'm trying for one with green eyes." To understand this one better it helps to know that I was expecting T.Lynn (our youngest) and my husband, and all four of the other girls have varying shades of blue, blue/grey eyes. I have hazel, but not the kind with brown in them. They are a funny, changeable green/greenish-blue, and although they only occasionally look true blue in person (or so I'm told), in pictures they often look very blue. Because of this, I wasn't expecting to have a child with green eyes anymore than I was expecting a boy. Maybe my weird hazel, but not green. Never fear though, poetic justice is always right around the corner. T.Lynn has green eyes. Not blueish green, or changeable, or anything else. Just green. You gotta love it!

5) You have FIVE kids???
Really - with the way some people say it you'd think I had forty or fifty. Of course a lot of people just start counting. Some stop and start over repeatedly, on occasion never getting past two. And most of the time the kids aren't even moving around, confusing the counter. Once they were all lined up on an elevator and then I only had four.
I ususally cut to the chase when I see/hear someone counting and just tell them five. That's when I get the above question.
*Ri here. Sometimes when people start counting us, some of us have a nearly overwhelming desire to start moving around and darting behind each other. We've never actually done that, but that desire is there nonetheless!

6) All girls?
Or any variation of that theme - All girls? Only girls? No boys?
I would really love to start looking around, muttering something like, "They were just here....", but so far I've restrained myself. The girls will admit to wanting to say, "Do you see any boys?", or "Yeah. We have boys, but we don't like to let them out of the house.", so they've also restrained themselves admirably. We usually just sigh out a, "Yes, all girls.", or "No boys."

7) Oh, you must be so patient.
No I'm not. The girls are old enough now to either snicker, shake their heads, or come right out and say, "No she's not.", or "Her??" Sometimes I'll take the time to explain that I'm not particularly gifted with patience, but that my mother used to say she had made sure she raised us in such a manner that she would be able to enjoy spending time with us, and that I had done my best to do the same with my own children. At other times, particularly if the person saying it was asking advice because she assumed I was patient, I would explain that part of the reason my children were reasonably well behaved was not because I was patient, but because I was intolerant of annoying behavior. For example, I really dislike whinning and squealing, so I didn't let my kids whine or squeal. I wasn't patient with it, I just didn't allow it. I would often go on to explain, not how to be patient (except with the fact that it would take a bit longer to correct a bad habit than to set a good one to begin with), but how to correct whatever problem they were having.

8) How do you do it?
Often this is a rhetorical  question. When it is I'll say something along the lines of, "I don't.", or "You just do it.", but occasionally it's legitimate and then I explain that I'm not supermom. I just keep doing what need's to be done; crossing things off my list or moving them on to the next day, or week. I'll often explain that there's no way I can do it all. I have to train the girls to help and then I spend a good deal of my time delegating and following up. I've also told people that with God all things are possible. (No - I wasn't joking.)

9) How do you manage them all?
"With a whip and a chair!!", or "Good 'ol fashioned military training." No joking here, I've really said that, but all kidding aside, when this question is sincere I usually use the same answer with regard to my mom and training them in such a manner that I'll be able to enjoy being around them. I've also said, "With a lot of prayer."

10) Why so many? (This has a few different variations as well.)
"Because we love children." "Because we feel children are a blessing from God."

11) Are you Mormon? (Or Amish, Mennonite,  etc.)
No - We are Christians.
As I said before, that doesn't seem to help some people and they'll go on to ask, "Well, what are you?" Some people start off asking that. You wouldn't believe all the potential answers that bounce around in my head when people ask me what we are. (Ummmm - human? or That's classified.) Of course some of them just ask what denomination we are. It all usually boils down to me explaining that we would be considered fairly conservative Christians and that we attend a family integrated church. Then I usually have to explain what a family integrated church is.

11) Why do you wear dresses?
We do believe you should dress modestly. We don't believe you absolutely have to wear dresses (as in, we don't believe it's a sin for women to wear pants), but we do feel that dresses are the best answer to dressing modestly and femininely. Sometimes I answer by stating simply that we wear dresses to be modest and as a way of honoring the differences God has created between men and women.

12) Why do you practice courtship?
We won't go into all the, "That's crazy." comments we get on this one. There isn't enough time in the day, and I usually ignore them. Ri's biggest problem is with all the comments about her not being able to think on her own because they feel practicing courtship means I, or my husband will try to control her life/marriage. She has taken to telling people they'll have to come up with a more original question/comment if they expect her to answer it.
We feel it's important for a young couple to focus on their future lives together, to take time to really get to know one another without getting sidetracked with a lot of the stuff that normally goes on during casual dating, and we want to maintain purity.
You have to remember here; Ri and he are both adults. They are willingly submitting to this.

13) Do you have to (wear dresses, practice courtship, not wear makeup, have long hair, have lots of babies, homeschool, etc.), because of your religion?
No. These are personal convictions of ours. Well, most of them anyway. We don't all have long hair - not the type where it's never cut. All of us keep our hair cut to whatever length we currently want it, but we do prefer them to at least have it down to their shoulders. We do wear makeup - when we want to anyway. If you're asking if we believe in birth control, that depends. We do believe you should welcome children into your lives, but we also believe you should use common sense. Sometimes refraining from having children for awhile (possibly for health issues) could be a good idea, but we would use natural family planning. I wouldn't use the pill or any other device/medication.

Homeschool questions

1) Is it legal? (You can do that?)
Yes

2) Don't you have to be certified?
No

3) How do you do it? (Is there something you have to do to teach them at home?)
I explain our state's requirements.

4) Why do you homeschool?
Depending on the person asking this, it can be a long or short answer.
We feel God tells his people that they are responsible for teaching their children about the things of God continually (Deut. 6:6-7), and that the best way to achieve that is to homeschool them. Public school not only doesn't teach about God, but by teaching from an evolutionist's standpoint it goes directly against what God teaches us. Then there's all the garbage that goes on in school. I don't think it's a good environment for children at all. I am responsible for teaching my children about God. Trying to find someone who'll do that for me isn't really embracing my responsibilities.

5) What about socialization?
"They're girls - what makes you think they'd have any problem socializing? They talk to everyone!"
"Are you kidding? If they knew my social security number so would half the county."
"Well, we let them out of the house/off the compound every great once in awile."
Then there are the times the girls mention something about a popular singer, book, or movie and their peers will say something like, "You know about that/them?" To that, my girls have gotten to where they say, "Yeah. Every so often something drifts into the bubble we live in." Then again, sometimes they beg and plead for someone to come up with something original to say.
When we're being serious, which I have to admit isn't often with regard to this question, we'll explain that having them around all kinds of people, in every situation, from every socio-economic background, and of all ages, is a much more normal form of socialization than being stuck in a classroom with 25-35 other kids of the same age all day long. And it is.

Okay - I know that's long. There were some serious answers and some not so serious answers, but I hope you enjoyed it.

Nineteen

Nineteen years (and one day) ago I was busy getting to know my brand new daughter, and marveling at everything my mother (who'd had a ring-side seat during the delivery) was telling me about her birth, and what happen immediately afterward in the NICU (I had asked her to go with them when they took Ri). The Dr.'s and nurses were still scratching their heads over how she had come through completely well after such a long, difficult, and dangerous delivery; they certainly hadn't expected her to. They could not explain how it was that she was fine. So many things went wrong during that delivery, but she was perfectly healthy. I believe she was a gift from a merciful God. I wasn't saved at the time, but later on Ri was part of the reason I did get saved.

Yesterday we celebrated her birth with a day full of some of her favorite foods. I fixed pizza sticks for lunch, chicken and dumplings for supper, and chocolate pie for dessert. Right after I served her pie it started raining hard. She jumped up from the table with an, "Eeeeeeeppp!!", ran in the sunroom, slung open the sliding glass door, and threw herself prostrate on the floor in order to get pictures of the rain spashing on the deck with the camera she had gotten for her birthday. Family, Superman, and her best friend had all pitched in for the ridiculously expensive thing, but that's okay. She's worth it.

Nineteen years ago I felt lucky to be holding my daughter. Today I know I'm incredibly blessed to have her. She's such a wonderful, beautiful, exceptional person. I'll have to give her over to her new husband in a year, but I'll hold on with all I have and enjoy every minute I can with her until then.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!!

The way we pray.

Gardener's Prayer
-by Karel Capek

O Lord, grant that in some way it may rain every day,
Say from about midnight until three o'clock in the morning,
But, You see, it must be gentle and warm so that it can soak in;
Grant that at the same time it would not rain on campion, alyssum, helianthus, lavendar, and others which You in Your infinite wisdom know are drought-loving plants-
I will write their names on a bit of paper if you like-
And grant that the sun may shine the whole day long,
But not everywhere (not, for instance, on the gentian, plantain lily, and rhododendron) and not too much;
That there may be plenty of dew and lttle wind,
enough worms, no lice and snails, or mildew, and that once a week thin liquid manure and juano may fall from heaven.  *hopefully, only on the garden - added by me :D*
Amen.


Boy, that's some prayer. It get it though. I want it to rain often enough that my cukes stay sweet and my tomatoes never split, but not so often on my rosemary since it doesn't like wet feet. But why stop there? I also want it sunny on the sun loving plants and shady on the shade loving plants. Of course, I want that without having to worry about where I should plant them in the yard in order to best achieve those results. And the best thing of all would be if God would allow my garden to have different temperature zones. You know, so I could grow cool loving plants like lettuce and sugar snap peas at the same time I'm growing the heat lovers like tomatoes and peppers. Just imagine the salad you could make, right out of your garden, just any time you want.

Ridiculous - no?

Well, it is a little silly, but the thing that came across to me the most when I read this little prayer earlier today is that, for many of us, that is how we approach prayers in general. I'm not condemning anyone - I'm too guilty of this particular habit myself. We start praying, asking God for every little thing we want, often  not even noticing the contradictions in our prayers. There are times that praying for what we want, followed by praying that His will be done, is a contradiction. I've often caught myself praying like that, and try now to pray instead that __(insert prayer request here)__ be done, if it be in His will, and if it's not, to help me, or whoever it is I'm praying for to accept it. And too, just like in the Gardener's Prayer where she suggests the list for God, we think we need to tell/remind Him of everything He already knows. It's interesting, and perhaps a bit telling, that this tends to happen the most (at least with me) when things are actually going along pretty well. There have been many times when life's pressures are at their greatest that I don't even have words when I pray. I'm too physically or emotionally spent to be articulate. Or maybe it's during those times that I'm all too aware of the fact that I don't have the answers, so I don't know what to pray for anyway. In either case, I'm sure God does His best work when I get out of the way.
On another note about prayer - my husband's maternal grandmother once told me that the biggest problem she had with turning things over to God was that she would get impatient, snatch those things back, and try to solve them herself. Hummm.That sounds vaguely familiar.

Why I can relate to, "That Little Chap That Follows Me"

A careful man I want to be,
     A little fellow follows me
I do not dare to go astray,
     For fear he'll go the self same way.

I cannot once escape his eyes.
     Whate're he sees me do he tries,
Like me he says he wants to be,
     That little chap who follows me.

He thinks that I am big and fine,
     He trusts in every word of mine.
The sin in me he does not see,
     That little chap that follows me.

I must remember as I go
     Through summer sun and winter snow,
I am building for the years to be
     That little chap who follows me.

Lord, let my little chap to see
     A follower leaning hard on thee;
That as he grows he'll be inspired
     To seek the One whom I desire.

The first part of the poem is a good general reminder that our children will follow us, so therefore, our behavior needs to be what we want to see in them.
But, it is the last stanza of the poem that most speaks to my heart.

Years ago I miscarried our first baby.  Then, when our first-born was about 1 year old, I was re-reading a book someone had given me after that miscarriage; "I'll Hold You In Heaven", by Jack Hayford.  I was praying my child would get to know Jesus.  I wanted both of my children to one day be in heaven.  Then, out of the blue, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart, telling me that she wouldn't go if I didn't.  There was a small part of me that wanted to resist what my heart was telling me.  After all, I went to church (off and on, and at that time, on), I had followed one of those group, repeat after me sinners prayers at some youth function when I was about 12, I had half-heartedly prayed the same sort of thing several other times, other people thought of me as a believer.  Wasn't I okay? No.  And although that small part was talking, it was hushed very quickly by the greater part of me that knew I wasn't saved.  So I asked Jesus to help me.  That's all.  Nothing fancy. I have occasionally wished that there was more to it, but those feelings have generally happened when in a larger group where people have these fantastic conversion stories; how God moved on them so powerfully that they couldn't keep their seat, or they couldn't move from where they were, or couldn't sleep another wink until they settled things with God.  In short, when I was comparing myself to others.
But, I'm not "other people".  I wasn't raised in church, fell out, and then came back (I wasn't raised in church at all-the youth function thing was rare).  I wasn't strung out on drugs, in danger of dying anytime from an overdose.  I wasn't an alcoholic, abuser, thief, or anything else.  I was just a "normal" everyday person, leading a fairly quiet life.  Most people thought of me as good, and I probably did too - after all, I wasn't in one of the aforementioned groups.  So what does it take to get the attention of someone who is a pretty good person?  One who doesn't really do anything bad; who does her best to treat people well and live up to her responsibilities? Well, in my case, it was getting straight to my heart - which was my child.  When I realized that her salvation could hinge on my own, my heart was forced to accept the fact that I wasn't saved.  That I wasn't "okay". That I wasn't good enough.  That only Jesus could save me. That only by following Him myself could I teach my child the necessity of following, and trusting Him for her own salvation.

Needless to say, I'm not perfect.  I've not always done what I should do. I've occasionally let circumstances or influences (or my own wicked heart) turn me from following the right path. I've gotten discouraged and left church from time to time (it's easy to focus on people instead of God), or just gotten sidetracked, or lazy in my Bible reading (which can lead to it's own problems). BUT, I'm in a different place now than I was then.  I've grown a great deal. I see so many things so much differently.  I often laugh at the change in some of my opinions and attitudes, and sometimes I'm very much chagrined when remembering things I believed, or more especially, things I've said.  We defininately do not remain static when we're following God.

There is a challenge in the last stanza of the poem for all Christian parents;  imparting to our children a desire for God in their lives, but in doing this we must also impress in them an urgent desire to pass that belief on to their own children.  

Becky

Cooking with Kids

Here we are on week three, following Mother's Hen's, Sally-Mae Cooks, on spending quality time cooking with your children.  You can click the above link, or you can use her button on my side bar to check out what Sally-Mae has made this week.
First, I'd like to say that it's possible that I told a story last week.  This week's post was not done before this afternoon (although the actual cooking was done by 10:30), and this week's recipe is DEFINITELY not good for you (unless you count it as chocolate thereapy - which I fully intend to do!).  But...we've had a very busy week, and I was at meltdown stage this morning, so I asked Ri to help Beenie do the cooking with kids today (it's good practice for her anyway!).  The first thing she asked was, "Can I cook anything I want?", and the answer, of course, was yes.  So we have Ri helping Beenie making Pioneer Woman's, Best Chocolate  Sheet Cake. Ever.  Ri loves trying out her recipes, and I have to admit, we've only tried one that we did not care for.
So here goes:

Mixing together the flour, sugar, and salt.

Melting the butter.

Adding the cocoa.  The water is boiling in

the background.

Blending in the boiling water.

Adding the cocoa mixture to the dry ingredients.

Mixing together the other wet ingredients,

and the baking soda.

Beating everything together - Beenie took

this picture.

Ri held the bowl while Beenie scraped the

batter into the pan.  Bree got this pic.

Ready to go in the oven.  They used a 10"x15",

jelly-roll pan.  There was a little batter left

over, but the other pans looked like they

would be too large or too small.

Adding powdered sugar to the melted butter

and cocoa in the pan.  Hmm-the begining of

the icing and the cake sound very similar-maybe

that's why this is so very nummy!

Chocolately goodness!!

They didn't know what else to put it on, and I

suggested a cookie sheet. I should have

clarified which one - this one is a lot little

beat up. Also, the cake stuck some in the

middle, but when you finish pouring the

icing over the top, it's much harder to tell

what it looked like. Besides, IT WAS

DELICIOUS!!!, and that's all that counts.

We ate it warm-all I can say is Ahhhhhh!!

We just had to go ahead and give it a try (even though it was 10:30am).  It was for science.  We NEEDED to make sure that it's rough landing out of the pan didn't, in any way, compromise the taste.  It didn't.

You're supposed to mix pecans in the icing, but since some of my children only eat nuts raw (NEVER mixed in ANYTHING-I hope they grow out of that), we just chopped some and sprinkled them on top, for the ones that wanted them.

If you want the recipe, you can click on the link above for the Pioneer Woman's website (trust me, you want this recipe), and I urge you to check out Sally-Mae's site too.  It's good to encourage our little cooks in the making.

The reason I didn't write out the recipe this time, is because the post was already getting long, and I wanted to take a little space to glorify God and His work in our lives.  I was very tired and run down this morning, since this week has been full of new adjustments.  God, of course, knew all of this in advance.  Our church encourages families to meet with one another during the week (they're called Koinonia Meals), and the family that decided to host us this week offered to bring us a meal instead, since they knew this week was going to be very busy for us.  It was a such a blessing.  The mom stopped by this morning, and because of an unexpected gap in the flow of people that have been, and for the next few days, will continue to be in and out of our house, we were able to sit down with her for quite a while; getting to know a little more about each other, which is the whole purpose for these fellowship times anyway.  It brought a lift to my day that was very much needed, and the added benefit of having something already prepared for supper tonight (in a dish that we won't have to wash and return-Yay!).  We were able to share this wonderful cake with her too.

God blesses us abundantly, and I'm so very thankful.

Becky

Thoughts and Updates

Grandma suffered a set back late last night.  She has had periods of extreme disorientation and her oxygen levels start to fall unless she stays on 100% oxygen through the mask.  They are unsure now of how long she will be hospitalized, and they are sure that once she is released she will have to go to a specialized nursing facility for rehabilitaton in order to get her strength back.  My uncle is assesing her condition to see if round the clock care from family members is necessary.  They have never allowed her to be restrained in bed, so different family members have pitched in as necessary to make sure someone is there with her when she becomes disoriented.
On another note, during devotions today, Ri instigated an interesting discussion.  She is all stuffed up, so she was saying that she would not be able to sing today.  I told her to do the best she could and reminded her that the bible just tells us to make a joyfull noise.  Then the question came up as to whether or not the angels made noise or sang well, and I suggested they sang well.  Then Ri said, "Well, what if happy does sound beautiful to God."  Good point.  I'm pretty sure our being joyfull does sound beautiful to God.

Becky

God Moves In a Mysterious Way

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footstaps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs,
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

                                  -William Cowper

What should a congregation following Jesus Christ in ministry look like?

The title to my post is a question that was asked on another blog.  Actually, they are linked up to someone who is holding an essay contest with that as the topic.  I'm not entering any contest, but I thought it a worthy question.  I basically asked myself this question for a good long while before we finally started attending a family integrated church.  We've been to a variety of different churches and while I'm sure I could stand to spend more time really searching this question out, I'm pretty sure I have a good hold on what a congregation that is following Jesus should not look like.  Church politics, backbiting/gossiping, cliques, spiritual dependancy, and worldy attitudes should definately be in the "not" category. 
To start with, I'd like to say that I don't intend to offend anyone, but topics like this are very sensitive and most people automatically adopt a defensive stance whenever someone starts sharing an opinion that may be different from theirs.  I personally think it's a good thing to question what you believe every once in awhile.  Revisit standards and convictions and study them out again.  Finally, know that God tells us in Romans 14:5, when it comes to disagreements about convictions, "Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind."  Of course, a good starting ground for being fully persuaded is to study.
All that being said, one of the first things I think one should look at when considering a ministry, and whether or not it is following Jesus, is why the church meets.  I know there are tons of churches out there like this, but I don't really think the church should be designed to "Get people in so you can tell them about God."  When we read about Paul and the other disciples sharing the gospel with other people, it was out in the world, in every day life.  I'm not saying you can't get saved in church, and if you can get people to visit, that's great, but it should not be the main reason to meet.  I know some churches would argue that this is not really the main purpose of their meeting, but when you are constantly admonished to go out and visit/knock on doors in order to "get people in", and you hear a salvation message every single Sunday morning (and often, at other times as well), your claim that church isn't for that purpose loses it's believability (is that a word?).  I've heard preachers like this say that in order to truly grow in the word you have to attend all the meetings; meaning of course, Sunday school, and Wed. and Sun. night.  Too often I've heard these same preachers spend Sun. and Wed. evening service  berating those present about church attendance dropping off during those times (Side note here - why are they fussing at the ones that are there?  If that's what they're worried about, shouldn't they being saying that to the ones that only come on Sun. morning?).  So, sadly, not a whole lot of teaching gets done.  I believe the main purpose of the church should be the growth of the breathren.  It should be for instruction, edifying, fellowship, and occasionally for rebuke or correction.  The teaching should challenge and occasionally convict us.  It should arouse our curiosity.  It should be designed to increase our understanding of the Word, and consequently, our spiritual growth.  Mature Christians are much more apt to feel comfortable sharing the gospel.  I know that when I was new in Christ, I felt inadequate to effectivly share the gospel.  I certainly didn't know as much about the Bible as I do now.  I know there are some that are gun-ho right from the start, but sometimes they overwhelm people in their enthusiasm.  Some of the best, most effective witnessing I've seen has been from mature, grounded christians.  This is where I feel I should make reference to my earlier comment about spiritual dependancy.  Spiritual dependancy is created in churches where the pastor/preacher is the be-all-end-all when it comes to the ability to understand God's word.  I know I'm not formally educated when it comes to the Bible, but most of it is fairly plain and easy to understand.  Pastors cripple a congregation when they insist that you should always look to them for understanding about the Word of God.  They should be teaching, discipling,  and encouraging us so we can study and understand it for ourselves.
Another quality of a congregation that is following Jesus, is helping each other.  The members should be there for one another spiritually and physically.  It is really the church's job to care for the "widows and orphans", as well as others in need.  We are at a point where everyone has given that job over to the government and it has not turned out well.  With things as they stand, it is difficult to rebound from this, but a Christ following congregation should do what they can.  I have actually attended a church that provided for widows that had no other family support.  Even when one of the widows had several children, the church provided her lodging and money for food and utilities so she could stay at home and teach her children.  It was a beautiful thing to see, but many churches are steeped in debt, making this a near impossibility.  It is difficult learn faith in God for provision, even if your pastor preaches this, when the church itself keepings running out to the bank to get funding for every new addition, or new vans/buses/whatever.  The church I mentioned above that provided for widows also built their new church themselves - literally - as in, the men, and extended family members, built the new church building after the church had saved money for the materials.  They made do with a building that was really too small for the size of the congregation until the new one was finished.  
A Christ following congregation will also have parents that are obviously trying to raise their children up, "...in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."  Eph.6:4.  Men who have taken seriously their jobs as head of the house.  Women who are committed to training their children.  Parents who do not abdicate their responsibility to teach their children about God to the church.  In this same vein, a Christ following congregation will have decent conversations.  Not that every conversation they have will be spiritual, many won't.  But the things they talk about won't be full of the world.  Suggestive comments and gossip have no place.  There may be plently of talk about day-to-day life, but who's winning American Idol and which store has the best sales on won't dominate the discussions.  In other words, you will see something on the outside that lets you know they are trying to live a life dedicated to the things of God.  I definately don't want to see people who are decidedly different inside church than they are the rest of the time.
Personnally, I don't think liberalism or feminism have a place in a Christ honoring congregation.  Being Christ like is dying to self, not spending the preponderancy of your time worrying about your own personal rights.  It also does not see government as the solution for all social woes.
This is certainly not a comprehensive list, but it was the begining of what I was looking for in a congregation.  I want to see some evidence of Jesus in the people I see in church.  I don't want it to look like "a country club for people who claim to be christians", as I've heard it described. 
I'd love to hear what others think about this. 

Becky

PS  If I did this right, there is a link to the blog that is holding this contest when you click on the title of the post.

Messages

Sept. 26

Do any of us really think of the messages we're sending our children?  Target has now joined ranks with other stores in producing commecials aimed at telling our children that we don't want them around.  Yes, I'm referring to back to school commercials - like the one from one of the office supply stores that shows a father gleefully skipping and riding a shopping cart through the store, tossing around school supplies to the tune of The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.  The newest Target ad was talking about a women being able to get back to her routine, which, of course, included being able to save money at Target, now that her child was back in school.  It hinted at her being able to be more stress free.  She could get things to give herself a facial, and indulge in a little "color therapy".  (Don't even get me started on the irresponsibility of encouraging women to view shopping as therapeudic.  It should always be viewed as a necessary evil - but I digress.)  The close of the commercial assures us that all will again be well with her life now that things have returned to normal.  I kid you not, they actually used the term, back to normal.  
So lets see what message we are sending to our children.  The biggie of course would be that my life cannot be "normal" unless you are spending 8-10 hrs a day away from me.  But the others would be;  I can get back to my routine once you are away from me.  I can relax and give myself a facial (because heavens knows you can't wash your face with a child at home).  And, of course,  I can't receive my necessary (weekly?) dose of 'color therapy' unless you are somewhere else.  Hmmmm - there seems to be an awful lot of I's in there, but, once again, I digress.
This is just one example of the way we show children we don't really want them around.  One of the things I found disturbing about attending 'regular' church (we go to a family integrated church now) was the conversations that went on among the women.   I couldn't tell you how many times I listened to women complaining about their children.  I would hear them make comments, while dropping their child(ren) off in the nursery, about them (the kids) being their (the workers) problem now.  Or saying that they just can't concentrate on the service with the kids there.  And several times, during mid-week services, I heard mothers rejoicing over the fact that the kids were going to Grandma's for the weekend.  Ohhhh, they were sooooo going to enjoy the weekend now!  Ohhhh, how I got to where I hated hearing that kind of sentiment being expressed.  One of the first times I heard it (we didn't always attend 'regular' church) I went to my girls later and appologized for ever having said that I would really enjoy a weekend they were going to spend with my mother.  The girls assured me they could never recall me saying anything thing like that (thank you Lord!), and that, while they knew I did enjoy the time of rest I would get when they were gone, they never felt as though I didn't want them around (again - thank you Lord!).  It's not really bad to show that you will enjoy some quiet time, especially if your spending time with your spouse, because it's good for your children to see you enjoy special, one on one time with their father.  But, the constant griping and complaning, and continually expressing a desire to do things without your kids, or conversely, complaining about having to do things with your children around is damaging.  And yes, I know this doesn't just happen at church.  I once had a aunt that walked into every family dinner complaining about her children.  Literally, from the moment she arrived, she complained about her sons.  I always felt incredibly sorry for them.  It's just that #1, as christians, we should see children as a blessing, not a burden (and if you can't enjoy them because of their behavior, then do something about it); and #2, for the most part, you'll see church members much more frequently that you will extended family.  The damage from this type of behavior is not just limited to your own children either.  The example this sets for younger women is inexcusably bad, and in direct violation to scripture.  As the sidebar of my blog shows, the older women are to show the younger ones how to love their children.  We should show them the example of enjoying time with our children.
We should strive to constantly remember how the things we say could potentially be interpreted by our children.  I never want mine to think I don't like being around them.  Our world is rife with examples in everyday life about how children are a burden.  From politicians espousing the belief that we should limit family size during these 'trying economic times', because of the potential financial burden children will bring (please - a little logic here people - if you have children you will evariably boost the economy to some degree, because you have to buy a certain amount of stuff for them), to, as we've discussed, advertising that will assure us that we will be much better off once someone else has the apparently unenviable task of spending the day with your kids.
As christians, it is our responsibility to show the world a different example.  A biblical example.  We should be showing everyone exactly how wonderful it can be to have and spend great quantities time with our children.  We are to invest our time willingly in the children God has entrusted to us.  They did not ask for you to have them - you did that on your own, and, while I don't really believe children have a lot of "rights", the one I think they should (but too often don't) have is the right to have parents dedicated to raising them in the way God would have them to.  Being willing to sacrifice everything (including those 2 new SUV's) so that you can devote your time to them, because that is what they need the most.

Becky

Ouch

Sept. 19

One of the elders at our church recently sent out a list of questions that would be good to ask our children.  They were all great questions.  Things like where they are with their bible reading, or how they were doing with their prayers, but there were three in particular that made me flinch when I read them.  They were:
1) Are you more aware of my encouragement, or my criticism?
2) Is there any way I've sinned against you that I've not repented of?
3) Does my relationship with your mother (father) make you excited to be married one day?
Of course, the best time to start thinking about asking your children these questions would be before you ever bring them home from the hospital (maybe keep them posted on the door of the fridge so you're constantly reminded about the outcome of your actions), but we can still do our best to turn things around if because we've messed up somewhere along the way.    Spending some time in prayer before going to your children, and then praying with them is a good way to go toward correcting things.  Ask the Lord beforehand to help you resist the temtation to get defensive.  Then, when you're done, ask the Lord to help you remember these things every day.  I've sat down with mine before and confessed to handling something wrong, or behaving in a way I would not want them to.  It's humbling, but much better than trying to act as though you're always right (they know better anyway).

Becky